Any kind of touch is a stroke. Some kinds of touching, like being held too tightly, or having sex without lubrication, are painful and negative. Some touches, like being held close when grief-stricken, or being caressed gently before sex, are pleasurable and positive. You can become more aware of the touch patterns in your marriage by recalling the past forty-eight hours.

How did you initiate touching? What kind?

When? Where? How often?

What response did you get? Was is what you expected?

How did your spouse initiate touching? What kind?

When? Where? How often?

What response did you give? Was it an expected response?

Are the above touch patterns typical in your marriage?

Think of one touch pattern that needs to be improved. What is it you do now? What do you want to do?

Fantasize yourself doing what you want to do. See yourself touching and being touched in new ways. Plan to do it in the next 24 hours.

This exercise is taken from the book Marriage is for Loving by Muriel James, copyright 1979.