All of us, as we look into the unknown future, find in ourselves some positive feelings, which take the shape of hopes; and some negative feelings, which we recognize as fears.

In this exercise a couple can first record their hopes and fears for themselves and for each other; then share whatever insights emerge. This has the helpful effect of enabling them, as they plan for future growth, to be aware of each other’s feelings, both of anticipation and anxiety.

Step 1: Take ten to fifteen minutes to write down, separately and without collaboration, four short lists:

• My hopes for myself
• My hopes for you
• My fears for myself
• My fears for you

Step 2: Now get together and share your lists. See how far you each were already aware of the responses of the other, and note especially hopes and fears you would not have guessed at. You will probably find that the hopes often are that the fears will not be fulfilled, and the fears are that the hopes will not be realized!

Step 3: Using the insights you have gained, see whether you can now plan some courses of action that will help to ensure that your hopes will be realized, and your fears will prove groundless.